Bouncing back after a breakup on RELATIONSHIP TALK with Phidelia Imiegha.

Bouncing back after a breakup.

Breakups suck, but they happen quite often. Most people will fall in love many times throughout their lifetimes. You meet someone and fall so deep in love that you decide you have met your soulmate who you will spend the rest of your life with. In your head, you start picturing the pre-wedding shoot, the aso-ebi and the huge wedding ceremony. But life happens and relationships end.

Some breakups are mutual and painless, but most of them are accompanied with heartbreak, sadness and even depression. Breakups can affect your productivity at work or at school, and your interactions with the people around you.

 

Everyone handles breakups differently. Some people talk obsessively about their exes; others refuse to talk about them at all. Some people pour themselves into work or school, others neglect their work. Some people stop eating, others overeat. It is important to take care of yourself physically and mentally after a breakup, after all, you can’t come and go and kill yourself.

 

Here are some tips to help you bounce back after a breakup. None of these are definitive rules, just suggestions for heading in the right direction of healing.

Take some time to Grieve

It’s totally okay to freak out for a bit after a breakup, emphasis on “for a bit”. Letting your emotions play out is an important part of grieving and moving on. It is important to be kind to yourself when grieving. Don’t berate yourself or feel bad about how sad you feel. You feel that way because you deeply cared about this person. So, play your saddest playlist, buy some ice cream and let it out. Cry if you need to, talk to supportive friends, take a day or two off work or school. But only for a bit. Now it’s time to bounce back.

 

Limit or end contact with your ex

Forget all the talk about how it is mature to remain friends with your ex. Immediately after the breakup, you need space from them to heal properly. Don’t suggest or accept a suggestion to remain friends, especially if it was a painful breakup. You can resume a friendship after you have fully moved on, but keeping up contact right after the breakup can be unhealthy and hinder your healing process. Unfollow them on social media and delete their contact information if you must, to avoid triggers or reminders.

 

Allow your loved ones cheer you up

It’s easy to fall into a state of self-isolation when we feel sad, heartbroken or depressed. When trying to get over a breakup, allow your loved ones be a part of the process. Say yes to invitations to go out or reach out and invite them over. Support and affection from friends and family will help you bounce back faster. Make plans with people who give you positive energy, go out and have fun. You need all the laughter and joyful moments you can get.

 

Create non-negotiable standards for future relationships

Think about the things that led to the breakdown of the just-ended relationship, and possibly other past ones. Write them down. Reflect and write down what kind of relationship you want and what you want in a partner. Understanding these needs and deciding on them before entering a new relationship will help you make good choices. This may not insure you from another heartbreak, but it is a step in the right direction.

 

Put yourself back out there, slowly

I’m not saying go to the club and take a sexy person back home. Hasty rebounds can be fun, but they often end in tears. What could be a healthier way to dip your toes back into the often-murky waters of dating is meeting friends of friends. Ask your friends or colleagues to set you up with people who you may have mutual interests with. Strike up conversations with people who catch your interest on social media and don’t be in a haste to take it offline. Remember, quoting relationship posts with “God When?” without making efforts to get back out there is not an effective strategy.

 

Ultimately, there is no rush so only resume dating when you feel you’re sufficiently healed from the heartbreak, and ready to try again. 

Finally, do not forget to put God first in everything you do. 

Prayer is the Key to unlocking good things in life,  Good and Healthy relationships inclusive.

Thank you.

Bye!